How to Help Someone Having a Panic Attack: What to Say and Do

If someone near you is panicking, your job is not to fix everything or talk them out of it. Your job is to make the next minute feel safer, simpler, and less lonely.

Start with a calm voice, one short sentence, and one small choice.

“I’m here with you. Do you want me to stay close, or give you a little space?”

Then follow their answer. If they cannot answer, stay nearby if it is safe to do so and keep your words brief.

What should you do first when someone is panicking?

Lower the demands around them. Pause the conversation, reduce noise or bright stimulation if you can, and avoid crowding them.

Try this simple sequence:

1. Be physically steady. Sit or stand nearby. Unclench your hands, relax your shoulders, and speak more slowly than usual.
2. Name your role. Say, “I’m staying with you,” or, “We can take this one moment at a time.”
3. Offer one choice. Ask, “Would you like some water, a quieter spot, or for me to just sit here?” Do not ask a string of questions.
4. Ask before touching. A hand on the shoulder, a hug, or guiding someone outside may help some people and overwhelm others. Say, “Would touch help, or no touch?”
5. Keep the focus narrow. You are only working on the next breath, the next sip of water, or the next minute.

Avoid trying to determine on the spot whether it is “really” a panic attack. If symptoms are unusual for them, seem different from prior episodes, or the person asks for medical help, call emergency services or seek urgent medical care.

What should I say during a panic attack?

Use short, concrete language. An anxious brain may have trouble processing explanations, reassurance speeches, or many choices.

You can use this script almost word for word:

“I’m here. You do not have to explain anything right now.”

“Would you like to sit down, or stay standing?”

“If you want, we can breathe gently together. No big breaths, just an easy exhale.”

“I’ll stay with you for the next minute.”

If they seem embarrassed, try:

“You’re not a burden. We can slow this down.”

If they are afraid of losing control, do not argue with the fear. Instead, orient them to what is immediately happening:

“Look at me if that feels okay. Feel your feet against the floor. I’m right here.”

The goal is not to force calm. Pressure to calm down can add another thing they feel they are failing at. This is also why it can help to remember that you don’t have to calm down instantly.

How can I help them breathe without making it worse?

Invite, do not command. Some people find breath focus uncomfortable, especially if they feel lightheaded, trapped, or intensely aware of their body. If they say no, drop it and simply stay present.

If they are willing, use gentle shared long-exhale breathing. You will breathe alongside them, rather than asking them to copy a complicated pattern.

Try this for one minute

1. Get settled. Say, “Let’s make the exhale a little longer than the inhale. Keep it comfortable.”
2. Take an ordinary, easy inhale. You might quietly count, “In, two, three.” Do not tell them to take the biggest breath possible.
3. Let the exhale be slow and soft. Count, “Out, two, three, four.” Imagine cooling a spoonful of soup, not blowing out candles.
4. Repeat five or six times. Keep your own breath visible and unhurried. Your pace is the cue.
5. Check in. Ask, “Does that feel okay, or would you rather stop?” If it increases dizziness, discomfort, or distress, stop the exercise and return to simple grounding, such as noticing their feet on the floor.

Your own regulated pace can make the instruction easier to follow. You are not breathing for them. You are offering a calm rhythm they can join if they want.

There is reasonable evidence that structured breathing practices can support stress and mood, but it is important not to oversell this. A 2023 Stanford randomized trial found that five minutes a day of certain breathwork practices, including cyclic sighing, improved mood and reduced respiratory rate in healthy adult participants. It was not a study of bystanders treating an acute panic episode. A 2023 meta-analysis of 12 randomized trials, involving 785 adults, found a modest average reduction in stress from breathwork interventions. These findings support breathing as a practical self-regulation tool, not as a guaranteed way to stop panic immediately.

If the person wants more direct, self-led guidance once the immediate intensity has eased, how to stop a panic attack may be useful.

What should I avoid saying?

Even well-meant phrases can land as dismissive when someone is overwhelmed. Try not to say:

• “Calm down.”
• “You’re fine.”
• “There’s nothing to worry about.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “Just breathe.”
• “This happened before, so you know it’s okay.”
• “Why are you panicking?”

These statements can create shame, invite debate, or ask the person to perform calmness on demand. They can also be unsafe if you are assuming a medical explanation without enough information.

Instead of “You’re fine,” say, “I’m here, and we can decide what support you need.”

Instead of “Just breathe,” say, “Would it help if I slowed my breathing with you for a few breaths?”

Instead of “Why?” say, “You do not need to explain right now.”

Avoid rapid-fire problem solving, too. Questions about work, relationships, money, or what triggered the episode can wait. So can advice about caffeine, sleep, medication, or therapy. First help them get through the present moment.

Should I call emergency services or get outside help?

Call emergency services if symptoms are unusual, if the person asks you to call, or if you are concerned they may need urgent medical attention. Do not let fear of “overreacting” keep you from seeking help when something feels different or serious.

If they ask you not to call but you believe there is an immediate safety risk, follow local emergency guidance. Stay with them when it is safe, and tell responders what you observed and what the person said.

For non-emergency follow-up, you might ask later, when they are more settled: “Would you like help making a plan for next time?” A clinician can help assess recurring or disruptive symptoms. You can also read about when to see a professional.

How can I help a partner who has panic attacks?

With a partner, it is especially easy to slip into trying to rescue, persuade, or solve. A better approach is to make a plan together at a calm time.

Ask them what helps and what does not. For example:

• Do they prefer touch, space, or a quiet presence?
• Do they want you to offer breathing, water, or a change of location?
• What words feel supportive?
• When do they want emergency help called?

Write down their preferences in a short note. During a hard moment, you can follow the plan rather than guessing.

Afterward, do not make them debrief before they are ready. Try: “I’m glad you told me what you needed. We can talk later, or we can just rest.” Supporting someone is caring work, and you deserve support too.

What is the one thing they may need most?

Steady companionship.

You do not need perfect words. Sit nearby. Offer one choice. Speak slowly. Breathe gently together only if they want to. Get emergency help when symptoms are unusual or they ask for it.

That is enough for this moment.

Sources

• Balban MY, et al. Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine. 2023. DOI: 10.1016/j.xcrm.2022.100895
• Fincham GW, et al. Effect of breathwork on stress and mental health: A meta-analysis of randomised-controlled trials. Scientific Reports. 2023. The review included 12 randomized trials and 785 adults, with a modest average effect on stress (g = -0.35).